As a mother of four boys, two dogs and a fledgling anxiety disorder, I know how difficult it can be to provide your family with nutritious dinners that are equally tasty, eco-friendly, worthy. ‘a cookbook and affordable. But because of the misogyny embedded in the very fabric of our society, I’m expected to do it one way or another! This is why I like to plan meals to prepare myself for success every week. Disclaimer: Success varies widely. Usually manifests as failure.
Before I dive in, I know you’re asking yourself: Are we supposed to go about our day-to-day business and pretend that the collective trauma of a seemingly endless pandemic, the virtual overthrow of our democracy, and the irreversible damage to our climate is’ t real? Also, do you have any vegan options? Yes and yes!
Grocery list : First of all, is it safe to shop in person or do I still have to have my groceries delivered? What a great unanswered question! Fortunately, all of these meals can be made with the basics of your pantry, unless, of course, your definition of “basics” is boxed wine and a family-sized hand sanitizer palette. . Quick tip for the vegetable drawer! Wrap your green vegetables in a tea towel to keep them crisp longer. Death and decay are inevitable, but rocket waste doesn’t have to be.
On Monday: Start the week strong with easy, vegetarian three-bean chili. All you’ll need is a pot, eight ingredients, thirty minutes, and a health insurance plan that at least partially covers cognitive behavioral therapy. Eco-advice! Use reusable bowls, utensils, and straws, but never wash them as this wastes water. It’s a real Catch-22, which is a book you know well since you had to teach it to your kids at a remote school last year.
Tuesday: Normally Tuesday was burger night, but today there was an anti-mask, pro-horse, and dewormer rally outside the grocery store so you couldn’t pick up buns. Then, on the way back, you listened to a podcast about how the industrial meat industry is destroying the Amazon rainforest. It may all seem like a failure, but it’s actually a throwback to the drawing board. Serve veggie burgers wrapped in lettuce, call the fries “French fries” and boom! You have a healthy and fancy dinner. Fruits for dessert.
Wednesday: OK, kids are always pretty crazy about all that fruit dessert stuff. Nothing better to bounce back than with a pan of tuna noodles. I recommend a few tweaks: ground turkey for tuna, because tuna is high in mercury and you can’t afford to damage your children’s brains more than constant exposure to screens already does. Sub-zoodles for the noodles, sub-yogurt for the mayonnaise, then all for pizza because, dammit, you’re pretty sure kids love their dad more anyway.
Thusday: Do you know those videos in which perfectly manicured moms use multi-colored dough to make fun cartoon character pancakes for their delighted children? You don’t know how to do this. Sandwiches.
Friday: TGIF! Which in this house means “Thank goodness I (bought) frozen dinners!” Did you know that you can also eat frozen dinners for breakfast and lunch? It’s true! Plus, your kids will get a decade-long supply of sodium. For dessert, give each child an ax, push them all out, and lock the doors. Foraging for dessert has a fun, sundae-making vibe and will be a necessary skill in the post-landscape. Bonus: it also counts as a family game night!
Saturday: Take out some cereal and sniff the milk. Since time has no meaning, it’s breakfast for dinner! This one requires almost no preparation, giving you a few minutes to think about how the job of creating a meal plan and budgeting, shopping and cooking keeps you from doing other things. things, like looking at a wall. Hmm, that wall looks pretty dirty! Better to clean it up while remembering the birthdays of each member of your immediate and extended family.
Sunday: It’s time to start planning for next week! Because the weeks never end! They’re just rolling around, oblivious to our attempts at stackable food storage solutions or our efforts to eat the whole rainbow every day. Yet we continue the strange performance of “planning”, as if we were playing a sonata on the deck of the Titanic. A futile attempt at control as we slide from chaos into darkness and perhaps, finally, into peace. Taco night! ??